I’ve been stressed and anxiety ridden this week (especially today.) Some of this is understandable. I still haven’t fully put away all of my things from the move (certain forms of chaos make me nuts,) I’ve worked 3 jobs this week, and I have a lot of expenses at the moment. Plus, I need to do laundry. But the thing that has really been stressing me out is “cycling.” No, not the bike kind. “Cycling” is when you obsess over something, turning it over in your head until you become pretty much paralyzed by “what ifs” and alternate scenarios. Everyone does it, but some people do it more than others. I do it A LOT. This week, due to the move, there have been issues with cable and internet that I have not been in control of. I have been freaking out over how to fix this problem, but the fact is, I can’t. Believe me, I tried. The cable company won’t let me take over the bill unless we cancel the account and start it up again under my name. Since my remaining roommate doesn’t want to do that, she has to take it over. Apparently, though, it is my fault that it has taken her days to do this (and that she has to do it at all.) This morning she snapped at me when I gave her the forms and later sent me a text as an apology. I ignored it because my response would not have been pleasant. All day long, I have been stewing over her attitude, letting the thoughts cycle. I should confront her about being a passive aggressive, moody shit, but I don’t want to fight with the only person I’m good friends with left in the house. I know that I need to have a conversation with her, but I need to cool down so it doesn’t start with “Dear Passive Aggressive Fuck-wit, speak to me with some fucking respect or don’t talk to me.” So I’ve been obsessing, and quite frankly, it’s making me crazy. The thing is that I am a fairly laid back person. I hate drama and just want to have a relaxed home environment. You have to push me pretty far before I’ll yell. This morning, I wanted to yell.
So between the cable company and my moody as fuck roommate, I’ve been stressed. I need to learn to accept that there are things that I cannot change (cable policies) and things I can (standing up for myself.) And I need to stop beating myself up and obsessing.
Now I’m going to a birthday party and drinking. Night!