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How Do You Flirt?

How do you know when someone is flirting with you?  It’s a question that bothers me more than you might think.  I know that I like to flirt with guys.  It’s fun, makes me feel pretty, and is usually innocent.  My problem is that I often don’t know when guys are flirting with me and when they are just being nice.  I’ve never been good at reading body language or interpreting cryptic remarks.  Emotions, I get, but I have always been lost when it comes to reading how people act.  Because I am so verbally blunt, I can’t interpret cryptic statements either.  One of my roommates frequently comes to me to try to dissect what guys say to her, and I am absolutely no help.  If there is some hidden code, I don’t see it, and a big part of me doesn’t want to.  I would be really happy to live in a world where people say “Hi, you’re cute” and mean it so that we can skip the stupid mind games and late dates trying to decode texts.  I’ve been told that men are much more straightforward than women: they say what they mean.  I beg to differ.  True, there may not be as much passive-aggressive backstabbing, but male-speak is not always clear.

So where does it leave me when trying to date?  Last year I fooled around with a guy who, I was informed later by friends, tried to invite me home with him multiple times before I got the message through my thick skull.  While an extreme example, I frequently leave places after meeting men unsure if they were flirting with me or just being nice to the chatty girl.  In the past, I have been convinced that a guy is flirting only to find out that he’s engaged or in a serious relationship, and before I hear about shithead men, these have been decent guys who were just being friendly and it was in my head.  I can’t tell the difference, and it has led, in part, to my lack of dating.

This post is brought to you by an encounter with a guy that I ran into at my neighborhood bar near work.  I’ve met him a few times and always thought that he was flirting, but it never went anywhere.  Well, when I was meeting a friend Wednesday night, he was there, and we chatted some more, and I thought I was feeling the “vibe.”  But again, it didn’t go anywhere.  And since I feel like I always read people wrong, I don’t want to say anything.  I know I’ll end up seeing him again at some point, and he is friends with the locals that I know.  Basically, I don’t know what the hell to do.

I know that many women deal with the same issues, so, I ask for help.  Is there a way to get better at flirting?

Should I just assume that every guy is interested in me and be shot down?  Or should I give up and spend more nights snuggled with my dipshit cats?



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